1. Your new pastor is the same age as your oldest child.
2. Your physician is younger than your oldest child.
3. You discover that you went to high school with your veterinarian’s parents.
4. It takes you all night to do what you used to do all night.
5. "Having a hard time getting it up” describes the difficulty of raising your body off the floor from a criss-cross double-cross position (or any other position, for that matter).
6. Your childhood heroes that aren’t already six feet under have one foot in the grave and the other on a banana peel.
7. You can’t remember whether you had a bath or not yesterday.
8. You take so many pills, you can’t remember what maladies they’re for.
9. You call a friend, sibling or cousin and talk for an hour about each other’s ailments and doctors’ visits.
10. You still refer to song compilations as “records” or “LPs.”
11. You’re sure there’s a conspiracy among manufacturers to make it impossible to open CD wrappers, the foil covering a wine cork and any package that says, “Tear here.”
12. I know I said 12 signs, but can’t for the life of me remember what No. 12 was!