Friday, November 18, 2016

Pithy Proverbs for Modern Living

A friend sent the following modern-day proverbs to me via email, and I thought they were worth sharing. This seems like the perfect place for the above sign that I photographed outside the Silent Brigade Distillery in downtown Paducah, KY, during my trip recent road trip to Chicago. (More on that later.) Perhaps you have a few more words of wisdom you can add. If so, please feel free to share them with me in the comments section.

1.  Accept the fact that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue!
2.  Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.
3.  Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.
4.  Drive carefully; It's not only cars that can be recalled by their Maker.
5. If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
6. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
7.  It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
8. Never buy a car you can't push.
9. Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, because then you won't have a leg to stand on.
10. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
11. Since it's the early worm that gets eaten by the bird, sleep late.
12. The second mouse gets the cheese.
13. When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
14. Birthdays are good for you. The more you have, the longer you live.
15. Some mistakes are too much fun to make only once.
16. We could learn a lot from crayons. Some are sharp, some are pretty and some are dull. Some have weird names and all are different colors, but they all have to live in the same box.
17.  A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.


...18. Save the Earth..... It's the only planet with chocolate!

Tuesday, November 1, 2016

12 Signs That You're Getting Old

1. Your new pastor is the same age as your oldest child.

2. Your physician is younger than your oldest child.

3. You discover that you went to high school with your veterinarian’s parents.

4. It takes you all night to do what you used to do all night.

5. "Having a hard time getting it up” describes the difficulty of raising your body off the floor from a criss-cross double-cross position (or any other position, for that matter).

6. Your childhood heroes that aren’t already six feet under have one foot in the grave and the other on a banana peel.

7. You can’t remember whether you had a bath or not yesterday.

8. You take so many pills, you can’t remember what maladies they’re for.

9. You call a friend, sibling or cousin and talk for an hour about each other’s ailments and doctors’ visits.

10. You still refer to song compilations as “records” or “LPs.”

11. You’re sure there’s a conspiracy among manufacturers to make it  impossible to open CD  wrappers, the foil covering a wine cork and any package that says, “Tear here.”

12.  I know I said 12 signs, but can’t for the life of me remember what No. 12 was!